Starting Over
by slythatheart
Summary: Written as a submission for Smythofsky Week: Day 4 Dalton. A discussion between Dave and Sebastian shows Dave a lot he never knew about Sebastian Smythe. Friendship/Pre-Relationship.


**This was written as a submission for Smythofsky Week (Day #4 Theme - Dalton) on tumblr. This one is friendship/pre-relationship. Thanks to SolariaLunar21 for looking over this for me. Please review!**

**Warnings: Language, some angst, mentions of attempted suicide.**

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**Starting Over**

"You made the right choice, you know."

Dave turned slowly, waiting for the punchline. He recognized that voice, after all, he'd heard it often enough at Scandals. When Sebastian didn't add anything sarcastic or cutting to the end of his sentence, Dave decided it was safe enough to risk a reply. Perhaps if he took the offense he wouldn't be smacked down too hard by Sebastian's wit. "What choice are you talking about? Hanging myself instead of slicing my wrists?"

He was surprised when he saw that Sebastian looked horrified. Maybe the Warbler wasn't trying to be a jerk for once. Maybe Dave's expectations of people had just been too badly warped by his bullies to know when someone was trying to be friendly. Though to be fair, friendliness wasn't something he'd ever encountered from Sebastian Smythe before.

"That's not what I meant," Sebastian replied, looking increasingly as though he wanted to be somewhere else. Clearly he was wondering if he should have not said anything in the first place. "What I meant was that you made the right choice by coming to Dalton."

Dave shifted uncomfortably, his fingers moving to play with one of the buttons on his blazer. "Oh. I guess so. I mean…people are nice here. No one…"

"No one cares that you're gay?"

"Yeah," he admitted. After his suicide attempt and the mass campaign of online bullying that had been launched against him, Dave knew he wouldn't be able to finish his Senior year in the closet. When Kurt suggested to him that he should find another school, Dalton had immediately sprung to mind.

"Dalton is good like that. I know Hummel thinks that I bitch about public schools because I'm a snob…and maybe that's part of it. But I don't know a single public school in the country that has a properly enforced no tolerance bullying policy."

They were silent for a few moments, awkwardly so. Dave wanted to take Sebastian's friendliness at face value but he just couldn't. "Why are you being nice to me?"

"Just trying to do Dalton proud," Sebastian smirked.

"Cut the crap, Sebastian."

Sebastian smirked even wider at Dave's reply. "Fine. You just looked like you had doubts. You might not feel like you fit in yet, Bear Cub, but this place will grow on you."

"Don't call me that at _school_," Dave replied, embarrassed. He looked around quickly, relieved to see that there appeared to be only three other students nearby, and they were on the opposite side of the otherwise empty courtyard. He sat on the bench he'd been standing next to, folding his arms before continuing warily, "I know this place is great…it's just…it's nothing. Forget it. Why do you even care?"

"I don't," Sebastian shrugged. After a few moments of being stared at, he relented. "I guess I feel guilty, that's all. I shouldn't have been so rude to you at Scandals. It's just…that's just me. Don't take it personally."

Dave tried not to grin. For once Sebastian was acting like a halfway decent person; he didn't want to ruin it by laughing. "I didn't. Take it personally, I mean," he clarified, "I've seen how you talk to people at Scandals. I didn't…do what I did…because you called me _fat_."

"Yeah, I know that," Sebastian rolled his eyes as he answered, "I still shouldn't have been rude to you, though."

"Probably not, but don't worry about it. It's cool."

Sebastian nodded briefly, apparently glad to have been absolved of his wrongdoing, and took a seat on the bench by Dave. He obviously wasn't ready to let go of their earlier conversation just yet. "So, what is it about Dalton that's not working for you?"

"I said it's nothing," Dave repeated, but he could tell Sebastian wasn't going to back down. After a few moments, he gave in. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. But…it's just…I feel like a coward. I let those assholes run me out of my school."

"It's not like that. It's not like you left because of a bit of good natured joking," Sebastian declared. "They all but led a homophobic crusade against you, Karofsky. The fact that you left doesn't make you a coward. It was the right thing to do."

Dave sighed. He knew all of that, logically. That didn't change how he felt, though. "You don't understand."

"Don't I?"

"No," Dave answered firmly, "you don't. Yeah, okay, so you're gay, too. But you've never been treated that badly. You don't know what it's like to be hated by everyone for something you can't even control."

"I repeat," Sebastian said with his eyebrows raised, tone mocking, "Don't I?"

"When people don't like you, it's because you're being a dick. That doesn't count as something you can't control."

Sebastian chuckled at that, though it seemed forced to Dave. "You shouldn't assume things about me, Bear Cub."

"I told you, don't call me—"

"I could have stayed in Paris, you know," Sebastian interrupted. "Yeah, my dad wanted to move back here, but I could have just as easily boarded there and just visited during breaks. He wouldn't have cared. I came with him because I needed a fresh start. You think you're the only one who has been through shit because of their sexuality?"

"No," Dave replied, startled, "that's not…I mean…no. But…no offense, you don't seem like the type to get bullied. You kinda seem more like the type to be doing the bullying, you know?"

Sebastian stared at him in disbelief until Dave couldn't help but feel like an idiot. "Did _you_ really just say that to _me_? Do you have a mirror, Karofsky?"

Dave felt ashamed of himself. Sebastian was right; everything he'd just said to the Warbler could just as easily have been directed at Dave himself.

"You're right. I'm sorry, that was stupid."

"_Incredibly_ so."

"Hey!" Dave protested weakly, "I thought you were being nice, now?"

"I can only maintain friendly interaction for short bursts before I feel obliged to be myself again."

Dave huffed at Sebastian's response, though he had to admit it was sort of funny. He could tell that Sebastian wasn't distracted from their oddly personal conversation, though. "It wasn't just the bullying," Dave admitted quietly. "If I'd reacted better to it, I think I would have been okay. But it just…it hit me so hard and so suddenly, and then I did what I did. I couldn't face them after that…not when they knew they broke me."

They were quiet for a while, staring out at the Dalton grounds. Sebastian appeared to be watching a teacher and student talking at the entrance to the main building, but Dave was pretty sure he was just lost in thought.

"I know how you feel." By the time Sebastian spoke, Dave had almost figured that the conversation was over. His tone was serious; it held none of the mocking it usually did, and none of the guilt Sebastian had been exuding earlier. It sounded like he genuinely meant what he said.

Dave may not have been the most observant guy in the world, but he figured out pretty quickly what Sebastian was trying to say. "You…?"

"Yeah."

"Was it…I mean…can I…" Dave took a deep breath, frustrated. He had no idea what to say, or if he should even say anything. "Can I ask what happened? Not…not that you need to tell me if you don't want to!" he amended quickly.

Sebastian's shoulders sagged and he was quiet for a minute. Just as Dave was about to apologize, the Warbler turned and held his hands out towards him, palms facing up. At first, Dave had no idea what Sebastian was doing, then it dawned on him. He took one of the offered hands and pushed the fabric of the blazer and shirt up slightly to bare Sebastian's wrist.

He couldn't see anything at first, but when he tilted the hand he was holding just slightly he spotted the faintest hint of something. A faint but unnatural line; a scar. It was thin but long, about two and a half inches, and traveled from the other boy's wrist up his arm. It was faded, almost impossible to spot if you weren't looking for it, but it was there.

Suddenly, his own words from earlier came back to haunt him, and Dave felt an almost overwhelming urge to throw up. "I didn't…oh God. I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything by what I said before…about the hanging and the wrist thing…_fuck_…I didn't know—"

"I know," Sebastian murmured, pulling his hand back and sliding his sleeves back into place. "When I came out, I was in Paris. It wasn't…it didn't seem like a big deal at the time. There were a few out guys and it wasn't anything like it is here." He paused and Dave wondered if he should apologize again. "This guy approached me one day when no one else was around and asked me out. His name was Jean. He was really sweet to me. He was in the closet, but I didn't care. We dated discreetly for a little while and I really cared about him. He was completely against coming out; he just wouldn't do it. That sucked, but it was his decision to make, so I accepted it. I still don't know what he was so scared of." Sebastian paused, seemingly gathering his thoughts. He was being oddly forthcoming, Dave thought, this didn't appear to be something Sebastian talked about much. "Anyway, one day his friend walked in on us. We were…well. We were in his dorm, alone. You can imagine what we were doing. Jean…he reacted badly. He was so _hateful_. He acted like I'd attacked him; like I'd forced myself on him. He told everyone that I was a fucking _predator_. He and his friends beat the hell out of me and I ended up in hospital."

Dave watched Sebastian carefully. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know what. Before he could find the words, the Warbler continued. "I loved him, you know. Or I thought I did at the time. I thought he loved me, too. I was completely heartbroken but as soon as I got out of hospital I tried to see him. I thought he was just scared…that he'd done what he did because he was afraid. I…even after that I would have forgiven him if he'd asked me to. But he told me that I was nothing to him; that he wished his friends had done _worse_ to me. That…that he wasn't gay, that I'd just _convinced_ him he was, _seduced_ him into it, and he was glad to have come to his senses. The things he said, the things he _called_ me…I can't even repeat some of them. And when I got home I slit my wrists."

"That's…fuck Sebastian, I'm sorry. That's awful."

"It was," Sebastian admitted, before glaring at Dave, "but you keep this to yourself, alright? No one else knows. If you tell anyone any of this, I swear on my life you will regret it."

"I wouldn't!" Dave exclaimed, feeling wounded, though he hadn't seen any real malice in Sebastian's glare. "I'm not like that. You can trust me."

"Okay, good. Thank you," Sebastian replied. Dave shifted uncomfortably, and Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Just spit it out, Karofsky. What is it?"

"Is that…don't take this the wrong way, I'm not saying that you're a…but is that why you…you know? Why you are so…_like that_…with guys?"

"Aggressive with men?" Sebastian clarified for him with a smirk. Dave blushed as he stared at the ground and nodded minutely. "Well," he drawled, "if I'm going to get accused of being a whore and seducing other men, I may as well be guilty. At least this way I get to have some fun while I'm being vilified."

"That's a fucked up way to look at things, man."

"Maybe," Sebastian conceded, "but I'd rather look at things in a fucked up way than get fucked up later for nothing, if you know what I mean."

Dave nodded glumly. Maybe Sebastian did understand. Their situations were completely different, yeah, but apparently they had more in common on a basic level than Dave had originally thought. They both knew what it was like to be treated so badly they wanted to give up, and they both knew what it was like to put up walls to hide themselves from being hurt.

Sebastian was someone that Dave even thought he could be friends with – if they kept talking to each other normally, rather than the verbal sparring that the Warbler seemed used to.

"Do you think…do you think we could be friends?"

Sebastian looked up, startled. "Friends?"

"Yeah. I mean, when you aren't being a jerk, you aren't too bad, you know?"

Sebastian laughed at that, and Dave smiled. "I could live with that, Bear Cub. But you'll just have to get used to me being a jerk, I think."

"I told you not to call me that," Dave said with an eye roll.

"I wouldn't know what else to call you. Karofsky doesn't seem very friendly."

Dave thought about that. If he were honest with himself, he wasn't the same guy that he used to be when everyone called him that, anyway. "So, how about we start over?" he offered, standing up and holding his hand out to Sebastian. "Hi. I'm Dave."

"Dave, huh?" Sebastian replied with an almost smile as he shook the Dave's hand, "I'm Sebastian. Pleased to meet you."


End file.
